AnonymousCoworker

I give people a lot of shit on my blog. Like, oh, I met with a cashier and through some small accident she inconvenienced me for a few seconds? Here’s a twelve paragraph rant comparing her intelligence to a bag of damp lawn clippings that’s been heated in the afternoon sun and then humped into submission by a wandering dog.

What the hell is that about? I don’t even know what that means. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that it’s funny to make fun of these situations, but in reality, these are hard-working folks who catch shit from idiot managers, and idiot customers, and idiot coworkers all day long, and we’re the ones who are fucking idiots to think every transaction should go so smoothly that it should end with an orgasm every time.

Like when I make fun of the guys who collect my trash: they’re not stupid, or lazy, or anything like that. They’re just not paid enough to care if the trash is collected efficiently or on what day, or in what condition. Those decisions are made way above their salary level. They’re just following orders. When I write about it I’m joking. It’s really wrong of us to heap scorn on low-wage workers who are just trying to get through the day without rocking the boat. To call them lazy is to belie our own ignorance and arrogance.

But let me tell you, our fucking mailman is the laziest fucker I have ever seen. I think I’ve posted before about our lazy mail carriers, and while I’m too lazy to find those posts (though never a hypocrite) I will sum up what I remember. One time the petulant bastards left a note in my mailbox saying something like, “I am a lazy bitch and it makes me cry when I have to step one foot out of my mail truck, so please move all cars from out in front of your mailbox, even if they are not your cars, because slight exercise would kill me.”

The other time I had the windows open and heard a sudden vehement string of cursing coming from the front yard, and I looked out in time to see the mailman having a complete fucking meltdown in front of my mailbox. My car was parked between my mailbox and my neighbors, so the mail guy had to move his steering wheel slightly to the left, and then back slighty to the right to drive around my car. This inconvenience, understandably, required a string of epithets that lasted for two minutes and was punctuated by him peeling out and then stopping 10 feet later at my other neighbors mailbox. Hilariously insane.

But the most recent incident takes the cake. On Saturday I saw the mail truck whiz by all the mailboxes on my street after delivering to the apartment complex next to us. Then the truck drove back down the street and delivered mail to me and my one neighbor. Then the truck went into reverse and put mail in the mailbox of the neighbor whose house is before mine. Then the mail truck jumped three houses up and delivered mail. Then the mail truck did a U-turn and delivered mail on the opposite side of the street, pulled another U-turn to put something else in my neighbor’s box, then pulled ANOTHER U-turn to finish the other side of the street, and yet another U-Turn to leave the neighborhood. I feel it’s important to point out that in the time it took her to make all these U-turns, she could have sorted the mail, got out of her truck, and delivered once to each house.

People who work for the government are lazy, lazy bitches. Every single one of them. No exceptions.